Baylor University:
The 1st ammendment versus the kitten population
I was being a good student today and completed a student survey Baylor sent out. It was all pretty basic, casual, and pointless until I got down to the end. Then I was asked these questions:
29. From what you observe, what percentage of students in your hall community view pornography at least once a week?
A. 0-10%
B. 11-30%
C. 31-50%
D. 50% or more
30. Have you ever viewed pornography in the residence hall building?
A. Yes
B. No
From what I have observed? First of all, it's not like a bunch of guys get together, grab popcorn, and have porno nights. That would be gay. But what fucking business is it of the school if pornography is viewed anyway? The internet has already been completely censored to block out anything deemed moderately offensive since the second or third week of school. Google's cache (which pages' images are blocked on) has saved me numerous times on school research assignments. If a page has too many cuss words, it will be censored. I'm surprised my website isn't already censored out because it has 'fuck' occasionally on pages. But I'm sure it's only a matter of time before their web-censoring software finds humans.com and blocks it. I won't even be able to get to my own page then. I guess I could avoid their firewall by buying a shitty modem, but I don't want to go through the trouble. Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuckity Fuck Fuck Fuck. At least I support the First Ammendment.
There was only one logical reason my friends and I could think of for why the school is so upset about pornography. We think perhaps someone in administration saw this picture and was greatly upset by it:
(Only thanks to Google's cache was I able to get this image through Baylor's internet.)
This is, afterall, a Baptist school and someone must have thought this statement came from the Bible. And everyone here is, afterall, scared to death of the wrath of God. Fuck, I'm so pissed off I'm going to throw my chair out the window. Actually maybe not- I could get expelled since my chair wouldn't be able to hit the ground without knocking at least 5 hardcore Baptists unconscious on its way down.
In the extra comments section at the bottom of the survey, I left them with this comment:
Exactly 8.5% of people in my dorm hall view pornography once per week. I have been keeping tabs on everyone and checking regularly.
I'm sure they'll be glad that I'm helping out with the kitten problem.
And then I came to this question:
32. If you believe your residence hall community should be different, which of the following would be most effective in changing it?
A. Stricter enforcement of alcohol and visitation policies
B. A more engaged community leader
C. A more pleasant physical environment
D. Students taking more responsibility for their contribution to the environment
Why yes Baylor, I am going to select choice A. Our 2 PM-6 PM visitation hours are far too lenient; I instead propose 2:30 PM - 3 PM visitation hours, to prevent anything like a girlfriend or boyfriend seeing their significant other's ankles before five years of marriage. How dare I think about kissing a girl on the lips before I'm at least 25? And alcohol in the building? Oh no, keep that at least one mile away from me at all times. My olfactory glands might absorb a particle or two. One guy down the hall was already given a Minor in Consumption and 30 hours of community service through the school and some through the Waco police department for being intoxicated at 9 PM on a Thursday night. A hall leader saw him stumbling in the hall, called the police, and went chasing after him into his dorm room! Fuck this school.
hi[at]humans.com
Subject= qewl.com
